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| I found the perfect place for us to meet -- it's a little neighborhood place you've never heard of called Starbucks. |
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| Where should we have lunch today? The Chinese shithole or the Italian e-coli factory? |
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| This card's message has been vetted by an attorney for any possible inappropriate or harassing statements. You are fine. It is not distasteful to be in the same workplace as you. |
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| I'd tell you how hot you look,but I don't want to be accused of sexual harassment or being mentally ill. |
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| Have you noticed your career success has gone up as your neckline has plunged down? That usually doesn't happen for men. |
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| I'm following up on our meeting. I really enjoyed it, but I'd like my pants back. |
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| Congratulations on keeping your colonoscopy a secret! From all of us at work. |
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| I enjoyed our conference call. You should know that I was naked. |
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| Good luck with retirement, or as we call it, death's on-deck circle. |
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| With your departure, the office will be in a state of chaos. We'll never be able to decide who gets your sweet parking space. |
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| Best of luck with the next chapter of your life. You'll be impossible to replace, because no one wants to do your shitty job. |
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| Good luck as you chase your stupid, unattainable dreams! |
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