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| You're my Sweet Handsome Valentine |
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| You are my Barack Obama. Happy Valentine's Day |
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| Your gene pool rocks. Happy Valentine's Day. |
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| You always say I never do anything for you but I just hit send. Happy Valentine's Day. |
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| My Valentine, my world revolves around you. I love you madly. P.S. This does not violate the restraining order. |
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| Since you never shut up, this is the only way I can say "I love you." |
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| I wish I could shrink the entire Earth so that you’d be at my side this moment. Plus, we’d kill billions of assholes. |
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| Sometimes we make love with our eyes. But getting the condoms on almost makes it not worth it. Happy Valentine's Day. |
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| I love you even though we believe in different gods. Happy Valentine's Day. |
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| No poems, no fancy words - I just want the world to know I love you. And thanks, my love, in advance, for tonight’s handjob. |
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| Tell me when you're reading this so I can masturbate at home. |
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| I love you now, as I did then, always and forever. Sorry my ass is drooping. |
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